05/11/2024
Proust Questionnaire 2024
happiness is not in happiness, but in its pursuit
When Proust was young, he was given questionnaires to complete at two different social gatherings: one when he was 13 at the 13th birthday of Antoinette Felix-Faure for her birthday book, and another seven years later, which had similar questions but different answers, reflecting his characteristics at the age of 20.
Last year I answered this set of questions and I am doing the same this year. I hope to continue doing this every year to track how my thinking and beliefs evolve over time.
2023 answers + history of confession albums here
Here are my answers to the Proust Questionnaire:
Aishwarya Khanduja, age 26, Monday 4/29/24 @ 9:42am
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
working on projects, writing, ideas that bring me energy and getting to spend energy generally with agency
2. What is your greatest fear?
not actualizing my potential
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
i’m not a great listener, i find myself waiting to speak rather than being completely present
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
dishonesty & inauthenticity
7/28/2023 on vancouver island / 35mm
5. Which living person do you most admire?
fran lebowitz!
6. What is your greatest extravagance?
my apartment
7. What is your current state of mind?
finding solace in uncertainty, waiting for attractors to emerge as i continue to lean into whatever feels right
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
extrovertedness
9. On what occasion do you lie?
similar as last year’s i believe - when i feel the need to impress, sometimes it’s completely subconscious
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
completely different answer from last year’s – a bit of everything
11. Which living person do you most despise?
eh i do not have an answer to this
12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
reliability
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
softness
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“but then again i might not know what im talking about”
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
my family and hopefully my current partner
16. When and where were you happiest?
moments when i lose sense of time, most times with my partner
17. Which talent would you most like to have?
being able to convince anyone of anything
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
cultivate more intentionality in my internet / device usage, doing things slowly, doing one thing at a time
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
consistently pivoting and iterating to fulfill my greatest potential with the resources i have at that time, despite the pain that comes with extreme uncertainty and doubt – positive deviance of sorts
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
an oxbridge academic
21. Where would you most like to live?
part-time nyc, part-time cotswolds
22. What is your most treasured possession?
my journals!
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
living a life you have to escape from consistently
24. What is your favorite occupation?
kevin kelly
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
thoughtfulness
26. What do you most value in your friends?
reliability
27. Who are your favorite writers?
right now i am obsessed with female memoirists like tara westover, dolly alderton, even julia fox (i need to read more woc)
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
aang (avatar the last airbender)
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
julia childs
30. Who are your heroes in real life?
nani, mom
31. What are your favorite names?
gatekeeping this, sorry
32. What is it that you most dislike?
dishonesty, lack of authenticity
33. What is your greatest regret?
nada
34. How would you like to die?
in my sleep
35. What is your motto?
follow the attractors
—
The delta reflecting my growth between 2023 and 2024 feels tremendous. The quote below illustrates the change well.
“I felt myself still reliving a past which was no longer anything more than the history of another person;”
― Marcel Proust, In Search of Lost Time